Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Mystical outbreak changes the weather?

A cold snap and storm in the Midwest may have been triggered by the largest clash to date between authorities and followers sheltering fugitive Sahara Knax.

The Alchemites, as they call themselves, were apparently ransacking the home of a Huron, South Dakota resident when representatives of a new anti-mystical task force arrived on scene to take Knax into custody.

Video shot by the homeowner shows Knax emerging from the house with an object in hand--from all appearances, a child's hobby horse--while reciting gibberish. Moments later, portions of the equipment carried by task force members, including their weapons and restraints, appears to fall apart in segments.

The video also shows fog pooling around Knax and her followers and moving outward from them at increasing speed before it ends abruptly.

Metal objects in a five mile radius around the scene have been sliced to pieces and freezing temperatures are being reported in the Huron area. A serious and unexpected windstorm is raging in the region.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Police injured in clash with Alchemites

(DENVER) Three police officers were rushed to hospital after an attempt to arrest eco-terrorist Sahara Knax at a local casino went awry late last night.

Sources at St. Anthony Central Hospital say that the officers were not shot and are not suffering from mystical contamination. Instead, their condition has been likened to a severe form of either clinical exhaustion or, perhaps, exposure.

The Denver Police Department has yet to make an official statement about the incident, or to respond to critics who state that too few officers were sent to investigate the sighting by a casino blackjack dealer. However, law enforcement officials have been saying for weeks that sightings of Knax have become so routine across both the United States and Canada that few police departments have resources available to respond in force to every sighting.

"Knax was thought to be in the Southern U.S., possibly Georgia, this week," said Mary Freiling. Freiling--along with other self-appointed 'mystic watchers'--decode blog entries and Twitter feeds posted by suspected followers of Knax. "Nobody knew the Alchemites were in Colorado. So many people have cried 'wolf' with regard to seeing her that the police couldn't have expected this call, of all the calls they've had, to be the real thing."

Freiling also pointed to anecdotal reports of other Alchemite enemies falling ill of exposure or exhaustion in the wake of magical events. "The general theory is that they are vamping the life energy out of their victims to power the magic that's destroying the property of these corporate targets."

The injured police officers' names have not been released to the public and their condition is unknown. The Denver Police Department is expected to make a statement about the alleged clash tomorrow morning.